Don’t Believe Everything You Think
Thoughts drive through our minds all the time. Like traffic, they might flow smoothly. But they sometimes also back up, causing a traffic jam. When they collide, the impact can truly throw us psychologically—making you anxious, depressed, or generally distressed. However, just because they are driving through your mind, it does not mean they represent an objective reality. They are often more a figment of your imagination than an observation. So, for a life that flows smoothly, it is essential that you not believe everything you think.
People have all kinds of thoughts all the time. We often direct our thoughts as we consider certain issues at hand, but thoughts also frequently happen to us. They flow through our minds, being propelled by some unconscious source. These thoughts can be positive, negative, or neutral. But they can be particularly upsetting when they are self-critical or engender distress, such as I never do anything right; My boss thinks I’m an idiot; or, I will never land a job.
When you pay attention to your thoughts, you will discover that you don’t intellectually believe some that feel true. For example, you may think that your boss sees you as stupid and even feel like it’s true. However, when you reflect on her praise of you at different times, you may realize that this thought does not really make sense. In circumstances like this, it can help to remind yourself, Just because it feels true, that doesn’t make it true.
You can weaken many inaccurate, but distressing beliefs by noting the conflict between your felt truth and your observed truth. To effectively use this way of challenging yourself, it is important to be persistent. First, practice recognizing the distressing thoughts that repeatedly enter your consciousness. You can just be conscientious about doing this, though many people use meditation or mindfulness exercises to help.
Then you will need to remind yourself that just thinking it does not make it true. Also try responding with a counter-statement, such as, Not only doesn’t she think I’m an idiot, but she has shown that she respects my work. With repetition, the objectively inaccurate and upsetting thought will become increasingly less powerful until you don’t really believe it anymore.
While reflecting on distressing thoughts will sometimes reveal them to be worthy of concern, at other times you will discover that they are more a product of your perceptions than of a greater reality. And increasing your awareness of these inaccurate felt truths can help free you from their grip.
In addition, by observing this struggle, you might develop compassionate self-awareness. That is, your greater awareness of the pain these perceptions are causing you might lead to you having compassion for your struggles, just as you would have compassion for a friend who was struggling with a similar issue. In the end, you will not only let go of inaccurate felt truths, but you will also develop a more positive, caring way of relating to yourself.
Leslie Becker-Phelps Ph.D [2019].
